The Bane of my Existence


meringue mushrooms of magnificence

More than anything about my new job at the Co-op, you know what really aggravates me? What really gets under my skin, into my sinew and gnaws at my nerves? The bakery department’s ability to come out with new seasonal stuff I have not yet tried just when I am planning to cut out sugar.

The latest bit of torment found on the refrigerated bakery shelves? The Buche De Noel, or Yule Log, or, as I like to refer to it, The Bane of my Existence. Why so much vitriol during the merriest season of all? BECAUSE! It is just TOO DELICIOUS. I can’t just not eat it, pass by it all through December and pretend that it doesn’t exist. It would be a crime against nature. Or, at the very least, a crime against my nature.

Of course, as I write this, I am maowing down on an Oatmeal Cream Pie, and yes, I might have had a mini pumpkin pie for breakfast (pumpkin is squash, squash = veggies, so it is similar to hash browns.) But that, dear reader, is quite beside the point. I am well on my way down the diabetes highway, and I am powerless to put on the brakes, much less tap them lightly, because it is a slippery slope of sugary chocolatey wonder which both torments me and begs me on, promising me delights beyond my wildest dreams.

I have decided that the best I can do until the end of the year is hope that there are greens to eat every day on the hot bar at the Cordata Co-op, so that I can fool myself into believing that I am counteracting the sugar in my system in some way and continue eating pie for breakfast and cake for dinner. Yes, if I am gonna go, I am gonna go BIG. It would be an insult to the baked goods not to.


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